Touch Me - Super Silly Hats

This isn’t a request—it’s a thirsty ultimatum. This hat screams, whispers, and moans “I haven’t been touched in months and I’m on the verge of dry humping a lamppost.” You’re not picky. You’re not patient. You’re not emotionally stable. You want hands. On skin. Now.

You don’t care if it’s tender, rough, consensual, or just a tragic accident in a crowded elevator—you’ll take it. This hat is for the touch-starved gremlin whose love language is “any form of contact, even a slap.” Someone grazes your arm and you’re planning the wedding. Someone bumps into you and you’re arching your back like a cat in heat.

You’re not asking to be loved—you’re begging to be manhandled.

Disclaimer:

By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.