This sweatshirt isn’t fashion — it’s a procedure. “Squat and Cough” is for the bold, the filthy, and the deeply unwell who don’t mind getting thoroughly inspected. You’re not just into getting caught — you want to be searched. Bent over. Spread wide. Questioned. You don’t ask, “Am I under arrest?” — you ask, “How deep you wanna go, officer?”
Wearing this is basically consenting to public indecency with flair. It’s giving cavity check couture, detention center slut, and “I’ve got something hidden, you better find it.” Whether you’re into authority play, prison foreplay, or just like making people wildly uncomfortable in line at Target, this one’s for you. So throw it on, bend over slowly, and cough like you mean it.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
