Yeah I’ve got red flags—collect the whole set. I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to make people nervous. I flirt like a threat and kiss like I’ve got a court date. I’ve been politely asked to leave five separate counties and I keep my toothbrush in a glove compartment. I wear cologne called “Why Is He Standing So Close.” You think I’m joking until you see me shirtless at 3am in a gas station parking lot, whispering to a raccoon named Travis and handing out fake business cards that say “Vibes Specialist.” I am the reason HR has a new policy. I show up late, smell like fireball and regret, and leave with someone’s phone, wallet, and emotional stability.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
