This sweatshirt isn’t dry, and neither are you. “Oiled Up” is for the greased gods, the slippery degenerates, the lube-lovers and body-gliders who don’t just shine — they drip. You’re not coming in soft, and you’re definitely not coming in clean. Whether it’s coconut, baby, motor, or mystery fluid — if it glistens, you’re into it. Hell, you might be marinating right now.
Wearing this is a warning: things are about to get messy. It’s giving backroom sauna energy, creaky massage table flashbacks, and that suspicious slick spot on the leather couch. Perfect for anyone who moisturizes with malice, you’re the reason towels stay damp and people stay curious. So throw this on, get slippery, and make sure no one ever trusts your “just showered” selfie again.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
