You’re not easing into anything—you’re going face first, tongue out, pants nowhere in sight. This bundle is for the gaggers, gobblers, and got-nothing-to-lose gremlins who know the only way in is mouth open and dignity left in the car. You’re cheap. You’re quick. You munch first and ask questions never. The only thing tighter than your schedule is nothing, because you're loose in every department.
You know your way around holes, mistakes, and regret. You’re the reason someone’s walking funny and reconsidering their standards. This bundle doesn’t come with lube—it brings its own spit. If your throat had a punch card, you’d be earning rewards. This isn’t sexy. This is survival at 3am behind a Taco Bell with one sock on. Zero romance. All trauma. Mouth first, emotions last.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
