You didn’t come here to be put together. You came here wrapped in trauma, chaos, and just enough fabric to avoid a public indecency charge. “Loosely Wrapped” isn’t about comfort—it’s about warning everyone that your grip on reality is barely hanging on, and so is this sweatshirt.
You’re cozy, but threatening. Soft, but slutty. You show up in this oversized fit looking like you just crawled out of someone’s bed and stole their meds on the way out. You radiate the energy of someone who gives phenomenal head and terrible advice. Your emotional support water bottle is full of vodka, your car has one working brake light, and your boundaries? Nonexistent.
This isn’t loungewear. It’s foreplay for the emotionally unavailable. It’s the official uniform of “I’m cold, hold me, no wait don’t touch me.” You’ve got one knee out, no bra on, and the devil in your eyes.
“Loosely Wrapped” — for the mentally undressed and morally declined.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
