You weren’t sealed with care—you were shoved into life like a greasy burrito in a gas station bag. You’re not protected. You’re flapping. This shirt says you’ve been raw-dogged by time and held together with wishful thinking and leftover lube. Whatever you’re wrapping? It’s not safe, it’s not snug, and it’s definitely not FDA-approved. You're swinging, sliding, dripping—and probably one thrust away from full exposure.
This isn't a condom. It's a suggestion. You live like protection is optional and stains are inevitable. Your vibe is “it’s covered… mostly… depending on how hard you move.” You’ve never been secure. You're barely on. You're sweaty, unzipped, heat-sensitive, and already peeling back at the edges. You’re not wrapped tight. You're one cough away from chaos. And honestly? You like it that way.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
