When CPR fails and 911’s too slow, you step up—with your dominant hand and a strong sense of civic duty. “Lifesaving Jerk” is for the real heroes. The unsung freaks. The chaotic responders who don't panic in a crisis—they stroke through it.
You don’t need a certification, just lube and a can-do attitude. This shirt screams, “I’m not a doctor, but I’ll get the blood flowing.” You’ve got the grip of a legend and the ethics of a Florida man. Someone’s flatlining? Not on your watch. You’ve saved more lives with one tug than an entire hospital staff.
It’s dirty. It’s disgusting. It’s altruism with wrist action.
Wear this when you want to be recognized for your service. Honored for your hustle. And remembered… by their ghost. You’re not just horny—you’re heroic. Lifesaving Jerk. Red Cross could never.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
