Inmate #696969
Name: Daddy
Sentence: 10 Years to Life
Crimes: Multiple counts of public indecency, emotional terrorism, and doing unspeakable things in public restrooms. Also once made eye contact while sucking fingers in a Denny’s.
Known Aliases: The Problem, Your Biggest Mistake, Booty Bandit
Risk Level: Maximum. Will flirt, corrupt, and ruin without warning.
Last Words Before Sentencing: “I’d do it again with the lights on.”
Prison Rep: Controls the yard, steals hearts and commissary.
Hobbies: Making eye contact in court, licking things that shouldn’t be licked, and keeping parole officers nervous.
Warning: Do not approach unless you’re ready to throw your morals, underwear, and common sense out the window.
Wearing this sweatshirt is like joining a gang of one: loud, nasty, and 100% guilty. Don’t ask what they did—just know it was worth every second behind bars.
Disclaimer:
By purchasing or using any product from Super Silly Company, you acknowledge that we are purveyors of absurd novelties, not your legal counsel, financial advisor, or that one cousin who claims to "know a guy." Super Silly Company, its employees, and the office gremlin who keeps stealing our pens shall not be held liable for any consequences arising from your use of our products, including but not limited to: sparking government surveillance, igniting barstool arguments, or causing your grandma to choke on her dentures. Our goods are designed for shits and giggles, not courtroom dramas, so don’t come knocking if your purchase lands you in hot water or a viral shitstorm. Proceed at your own risk, you delightfully unhinged customer.
